The Free Circle

Hey there! Greetings from The Free Circle. How are you faring?👋

The topic is Grief.

What is Grief? Simply put, Grief is the natural response to loss. It is that emotional stress you feel when someone or something you love is taken away.

Now, there are various types of grief but we would not be looking into those today, instead we would be looking at the ways you can cope with grief or rather ways you can manage it.

It is normal to feel some type of pain when we lose someone or something. That pain gets even worse if it’s someone or something very close to us. The inability to accept that the person or thing is gone forever and will never be seen again is very real. This pain of grief has rendered many emotionally dead and mentally exhausted. Infact, a lot of us upon experiencing grief lose the will to live because the said person or thing held so much value in their lives. It is sad indeed.

The focus is more on the loss of people, that is, the loss of a loved one.

You see, grief isn’t the same for everybody. While some know how to handle it, some don’t. And you should note that it is okay to grief, nobody should make you believe otherwise. If the said person meant so much to you, then of course, you’re allowed to express yourself.

But…

Some of us have let that grief hold us down, it has made some of us lose interest in life, most times, in our faith even. We blame God for our loss. Having doubts and questioning your religious choices, asking questions you’re not even sure you want answers to. Grief does a lot.

A personal story was shared and it goes thus: “Before now, loss had never been that big of a deal for me honestly. When my grandma died (God bless her soul), I felt bad, yes, but not grieved. I didn’t know her that much so it wasn’t that big of a deal for me. Then I lost a close friend(not in the same year as my grandma tho). It felt like the world did a 360° on me. I felt so bad. I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me. I couldn’t think straight for some time. In short, I was a walking mess then. Oh, I questioned God. I asked questions I didn’t even want answers to. I hated the idea of living. I was really sad. I had apathy for everything around me. But then, I grieved, I cried and cried until I had no tears left to cry. It wasn’t until after a while that I finally gained understanding of something and that is that Life must go on. Yes, I felt so bad for the death of my friend but somehow I got to realize that there was so much more to life and that my friend in question (God bless his soul) would not want me to live the rest of my life in anger and sadness. I had to get myself back up and instead of feeling bad about his death, enjoy the good memories that we had when he was still alive and don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t miss this person or still wish he were here but it’s easier for me now. I don’t feel as bad as I felt when the loss was still fresh.“

Truth is, we can’t question loss. No matter how much you question your God, the person is gone and gone forever and life must go on. Don’t go thinking, you’re the only one that genuinely cares about this person just because everyone seems to be moving on while you’re still filling up more gallons of tears. Everyone handles grief in their own way.

And no matter what you tell yourself now, you’ll get by. As long as you want to. It’s not a promise. It’s a fact. Time does heal wounds. But this healing comes from acceptance.

And that brings us to the different stages of grief. You, dear reader, may also recognize them as well. We have:

Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.” Oh yes, the grief anthem. The stage where we refuse to accept what has happened and keep praying for it to just be a silly prank.

Anger: “Why is this happening?” “Perhaps it is my fault.” Who is to blame for this?” This stage is the worst. The urge to blame someone or yourself for the irreplaceable loss you feel. It is at this stage that one begins to believe that he or she could have done something to avert it but unfortunately, there was absolutely no way you could have averted it, my dear…

Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.” Trying to work a transaction, eyy? If only! This is another crazy stage of grief. It is the stage where we try to buy the person’s life back whether or not it makes sense at that moment. Some of us start doing charity work or promising to go to church more or promising big things just so the person can come back to life but unfortunately, it doesn‘t work that way.

Depression: “I’m too sad to live.” More than a handful of people get to this stage. The stage of emotional apathy. The stage of great sadness. The stage where life begins to lose value in your sight because of the irreplaceable loss. The urge to shut everyone and everything out. To just stay in your room day in day out, centuries counting. The urge to be lazy and not move a finger because you’re just too sad to do anything.

Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.” Sigh! The stage where you can finally breathe. The stage where you finally understand that death is inevitable and that regardless of what has happened, you have a life ahead of you. The stage where you can now see the beauty of life and the loss feels easier to bear. Some of us who have gotten to this stage can relate. We still miss them but it’s easier now.

It’s funny how some of us don’t even get to the last stage. Some of us stop at depression, some of us still remain at denial. It’s understandable. The loss was a great one. But I want you to sit back and ask yourself this simple question; “if (thenameofthedeceased) was here, would he/she want me to be in this state of sadness??” When you answer that question, I’m sure you’ll know what you must do from then.

As for the tips on how you can cope with it, here are some of them:

First of all, Allow yourself to accept what has happened. Yes, the person is dead and gone. It is most unfortunate but it has happened. May the person’s soul rest in peace.

Then, I want you to stay close to your support systems, I mean your close family members and friends perhaps even your church societies. Just anywhere you know you feel wanted and belonged. But perhaps you prefer to be alone. It’s alright but you must not dwell in overthinking. Staying alone should be a way to reflect and enjoy the memories held with the said person.

Also, if you are a religious. Pray for the grace to bear the loss and for Peace of mind.

Also, try out some sweet foods like chocolate.

And… That’s a wrap. This will be all for today. Hope it helps.

Our Quote for today is from Anne Lamoth: You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly, that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.

Remember, you can’t do anything right if you’re not thinking right. We love you. God loves you. Wishing you the best of everything. Keep Thriving, Stop Stressing.

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